Coercive control is one of the most damaging yet least visible forms of abuse within intimate and family relationships. It leaves no bruises, no broken bones yet the effect on the victim can be devastating and long-lasting. Many people who experience it don’t recognise what is happening until someone finally names the behaviour for what it is. If you have been wondering what is coercive control, or trying to make sense of what is controlling and coercive behaviour, this guide explains the law in England and Wales, the warning signs, and the support available to help you recover.
What is Coercive Controlling Behaviour?
Coercive control is a pattern of behaviour used by one person to dominate, isolate, and frighten another. It is not a one-off incident it is sustained, strategic, and designed to strip away a victim’s freedom in their everyday life. The abuser uses a mixture of intimidation, manipulation, humiliation, and isolation to control another person’s day to day choices, movements, and relationships.
Common examples of coercive behaviour include:
- Isolating the victim from friends and family
- Monitoring their phone, emails, social media, or whereabouts
- Repeatedly putting them down, criticising, or humiliating them
- Threatening to harm them, their children, or even their pets
- Using a person’s immigration status as leverage to keep them silent
- Controlling what they wear, what they eat, where they go, and who they see
- Withholding money, medication, or access to transport
- Gaslighting making the victim doubt their own memory, feelings, or sanity
The behaviour is usually hidden from outsiders. Many abusers appear charming and reasonable in public, which is part of why victims are so often disbelieved when they eventually speak up.
The Law in England and Wales
In December 2015, England and Wales became the first countries in the world to make coercive control a specific criminal offence. Under Section 76 of the Serious Crime Act 2015, it is illegal for someone to repeatedly or continuously engage in controlling or coercive behaviour towards another person to whom they are personally connected.
For the offence to apply, three conditions must be met:
1. The behaviour must be carried out repeatedly or continuously
2. It must have a serious effect on the victim meaning it causes them alarm or distress, or a reasonable fear that violence will be used against them
3. The perpetrator knew, or ought to have known, that the behaviour would have this effect
A person found guilty can face up to five years in prison, an unlimited fine, or both.
The 2021 Update — Post-Separation Abuse is Now Covered
When the law was first introduced, the offence only applied to people who lived together. That created a significant gap, because controlling behaviour often continues and sometimes escalates after a relationship ends. The Domestic Abuse Act 2021 amended Section 76, and from April 2023 the “living together” requirement was removed. The offence now applies whether or not the victim and perpetrator share a home.
Who Counts as “Personally Connected”?
Under the updated law, two people are personally connected if they are, or have been:
Married or in a civil partnership
Engaged to be married or in a civil partnership agreement
In an intimate personal relationship
Parents of the same child
A family member including parents, siblings, adult children, cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents
This means the law now covers intimate partners, ex-partners, and any family member regardless of whether they live under the same roof.
How Coercive Control Affects Everyday Life
The impact of coercive control rarely stays contained to one area of life. It seeps into ordinary day to day activities from what time the victim is “allowed” to go to bed, to which family member they may speak to, to whether they feel safe enough to leave the house. Over time, confidence erodes, independence shrinks, and the victim’s world narrows tightly around the abuser.
Long-term psychological effects often include chronic anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress, and a deep loss of self-trust. This is why anxiety therapy and trauma therapy play such a central role in recovery. Many survivors describe feeling “free but frozen” once they leave legally safe, but emotionally still carrying years of fear, shame, and hyper-vigilance.
A Multi-Agency Response
Coercive control is now treated as a serious crime across England and Wales, and a multi agency approach is standard practice. Police, social services, the NHS, specialist domestic abuse charities, and trained counsellors work together to safeguard victims and support recovery. You don’t need to choose the “right” service first any of them can link you into the wider network of support.
Key points of contact include:
- National Domestic Abuse Helpline (24/7): 0808 2000 247
- 999 — if you are in immediate danger
- Refuge and Women’s Aid — specialist support and refuge services
- Respect Men’s Advice Line: 0808 8010 327
- Your GP who can refer you to local mental health services
Healing After Coercive Control
Recognising the abuse is the first step. Healing is the longer journey and with the right support, it is absolutely possible. Survivors often find that a combination of practical safety planning and specialist therapy helps them rebuild a life that feels like their own again.
At Urise Counselling, we support people across London and Essex who are recovering from controlling relationships. Depending on what each person needs, we may draw on trauma therapy to help process the past, anxiety therapy to calm a nervous system that has been on high alert for years, or family therapy when the effects of abuse have rippled through children, siblings, or extended relatives. Trauma therapy in particular can be transformative for people who feel “stuck” long after the relationship has ended, while family therapy creates space to repair trust and communication within the home.